The social contract we all sign includes a prominent clause regarding agreeableness. We are rewarded socially for saying nice things. Someone looks tired? Tell them they look great anyway. Their pitch was mediocre? Say it was really good. We regard these as the most benign of white lies, the lubricants that keep daily life easy.
Is there a deeper harm in the small compliments you don’t really mean? That is ultimately a question for the ethicist or philosopher. But I can tell you what these false compliments do from a leadership perspective.
When Tim’s peer says “Great work!” after Tim phoned in his presentation, Tim takes the moment of satisfaction and moves on. Relatively harmless. But when Tim’s CEO says “Great work!” after the same phoned-in presentation, Tim’s whole perspective gets skewed. Tim takes it as a signal that he should repeat this behavior. He feels he has the CEO’s seal of approval. Maybe he now thinks he can judge by proxy the work of others. With a simple, tossed off compliment, the CEO has recalibrated a whole team’s bar, and not in the right direction.
This is why empty praise from a CEO is not merely useless; it is actively harmful. CEOs who are high in Influence on a DISC assessment might object. “I’m helping them see the positive!” “I’m building the culture!” “I really did see something good in their work!” I disagree. A high-Influence CEO can still use connection and enthusiasm as their superpower without indulging the impulse to say comfortable untruths.
Empty praise from a CEO is not merely useless; it is actively harmful.
When you are CEO, your spoken words carry great weight with the team. Your written words might as well be in red lettering. You still feel like the same person you were before you were CEO, but your employees see you differently now. They laugh at your jokes harder. I’ve even seen teams alter their fashion choices to be more in line with what the CEO wears!
To Speak or Not to Speak
If we agree that the CEO shouldn’t deploy empty praise because of how it distorts the standard set within the company, what is the better path? The other end of the spectrum is to become a heat-seeking missile for failings of the team. I WILL enforce this standard, damn it! But there are always two sides of a tightrope to fall off.
The balance centers on the highly valuable tool of strategic silence. As CEO you are required to give uncomfortable feedback in the following situations:
When someone you directly manage (an executive) performs beneath the standard.
When you notice behavior or work output that directly contradicts company values or is far below the standard you have set.
When you are in a coaching relationship with an employee and they ask you for feedback.
Other than these situations, saying nothing is always an option, and often the best one. You do not have to evaluate every performance you observe, like Commodus giving the thumbs up or down in Gladiator.
You do not have to respond to every piece of work with a verdict. You are not obligated to fill every social moment with a judgment. Unless the person reports to you or is causing significant problems, moving on without a comment is usually best. This leaves the work of coaching employees where it belongs: with their manager.
What You Owe Your Team
As CEO, you owe your organization a reliable signal. When you say something is good, it should be good. When you say nothing, it should mean nothing beyond the absence of comment. When you say something needs work, it needs work. The reliability of that signal is the foundation of the standard within your organization. Being like the wise man and saying nothing can help you keep the signal consistent and honest.
Hey Joel. This made me think about something I see in mentoring. Sometimes the most helpful response isn’t immediate praise or criticism. It’s asking a question that helps someone reflect on their own work before giving an opinion.
Nice work. Jono.