Understanding your emotional triggers as a leader
We all have them.
“Anger is never without a reason, but seldom a good one.”
- Benjamin Franklin
Are you triggered?
In recent years, the question has become standard in noxious political discourse. The concept of being triggered is a way to belittle one’s opponent, showing they are of weaker intellectual and emotional mettle than you are.
But the truth is that all of us get emotionally triggered.
To be triggered is to be human. And yes, that goes for leaders, including CEOs and other executives.
There’s something that feels bizarre about putting the terms emotion and leadership together. But unless you are preternaturally even-keeled, getting a handle on your triggers and emotions (and understanding the triggers and emotions of others) is foundational to your ability to lead.
How do leaders get emotionally triggered?
Well, it entirely depends on who you are.
If you are, in DISC terms, a high-Dominance CEO, you might get triggered by an executive who insists on throwing up objections and logistical issues around a brilliant idea you just proposed.
What the hell?! Why can’t they just go do it? Time is money, and we’re sitting here picking apart this game-changing thought I just had?
Or maybe you’re a high-Conscientiousness CEO who values precision and process. An executive who operates on gut instinct and speaks in sweeping generalizations might trigger you into the stratosphere.
There’s no data here! They’re just winging it! Can’t they see this will NEVER work!
Those kinds of stylistic/behavioral clashes come in millions of flavors, but there are other ways to be triggered. Hot-button topics like religion, politics, and social issues are classics.
I know one leader who was fixated on a bumper sticker one of his employees had on the van they drove to work every day. He didn’t say it consciously made him dislike the employee, or that there would be retribution, but he was clearly triggered.
There’s no way that didn’t come across to some degree in his leadership.
Why Emotional Control Matters in Leadership
In my view, there are four basic reasons emotional control matters for leaders, particularly CEOs:
You represent everyone. Your organization includes people with different beliefs, values, and personalities.
Triggered reactions undermine your credibility. People look to you for stability. An emotional outburst erodes confidence in your leadership.
Good decisions require clarity. Decisions made in anger or frustration are rarely the best ones. You’re making choices that affect lives and livelihoods.
You set the emotional tone. If you’re volatile and easily triggered, your organization becomes volatile.
To be clear, I am not saying that emotional displays are always bad leadership. When a major client is lost, acknowledging disappointment shows you care. When the team delivers an extraordinary result, genuine excitement motivates.
The distinction is between rational emotion and reactive emotion.
Rational emotion serves a strategic purpose. Reactive emotion serves your ego and impulses.
Building the Practice of Emotional Control
Here are some steps to take to avoid giving in to your emotional triggers.
1. Cultivate self-awareness
The first step to eliminating emotional triggers is understanding what they are. Reflect on the situations, topics, and behaviors that tend to provoke strong reactions in you.
Are you triggered by inefficiency or resistance to your ideas?
Do certain personalities or communication styles irritate you?
Are controversial topics like politics or religion particularly challenging?
Recognizing your triggers enables you to anticipate and manage them effectively.
2. Practice the pause
In emotionally charged moments, take a moment to pause. My CEO-S cofounder, Sherif, is a master at this. Before reacting, ask yourself:
“What’s the objective reality here?”
“What’s the best response for the organization?”
“Am I reacting out of emotion, or am I responding with intention?
3. Avoid taking polarizing positions
CEOs are often tempted to weigh in on hot-button issues, often at the behest of their employee base. While it’s important to uphold the values of your organization, taking a stance on controversial political or religious topics can cause tons of alienation and strife without doing any tangible good. Focus on what serves the specific mission of the business. If it makes sense because of the mission to take a stand, by all means do it. But your role as leader isn’t a platform for you to espouse unrelated views.
4. Use emotion strategically
As mentioned above, emotion has a place in leadership, but it should be displayed intentionally and with purpose. For example:
Passion: Inspire your team by showing enthusiasm for the company’s mission.
Gratitude: Build morale by openly appreciating your employees’ efforts.
Empathy: Strengthen trust by acknowledging challenges and validating emotions.
Resolve: Reinforce accountability by expressing disappointment when necessary.
The key is to let your emotions serve the greater goal.
5. Seek out perspectives that trigger you
Finally, try a little exposure therapy.
If you’re a progressive leader, have lunch with your most conservative employee. If you’re impatient with detail-orientation, spend time with your CFO understanding why those details matter.
The goal is to build your tolerance for different ways of thinking and communicating.
The Work Required
At a basic emotional level, there’s no way to stop yourself from sometimes being triggered. The work is in using the tools above to see what’s happening and avoid acting on the trigger.
I leave you with the perennial wisdom of Epictetus, which I am sure you have heard before but which bears repeating:
It is not the things themselves that disturb people but their judgments about those things.
The attitudes, beliefs, approaches, etc. that trigger us at work all represent something we are making a judgment about. In some cases, our judgment may be right, but as leaders we must ask what serves the organization - i.e., our employees, our customers, and our shareholders.
By neutralizing the trigger and regaining an even keel, we’re always going to perform better in the demanding job of leadership.