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Transcript

The Platinum Rule

Treat others as they would like to be treated

Most of us operate with a default mindset that “Everyone is more or less like me.”

There’s nothing malicious about it. Our preferences and personality and strengths are just so natural to us that it’s hard to imagine other people not sharing them.

This assumption usually operates below the level of conscious awareness. For example, I was in my mid-thirties before I realized that not everyone wanted to be a CEO. I thought every non-CEO had either failed at that aspiration or just hadn’t gotten there yet. I was a little freaked out when I discovered that some people actually like doing accounting.

Today, I see how blind I was. Of course there are a ton of people who, very reasonably, don’t want one of the most demanding jobs in the world of business!

This is why we must develop the ability to vicariously see what each unique person we manage wants and needs from us. This is part of what makes leadership so difficult. There’s no correct answer to any given problem an employee is having. The answer is, almost always, it depends on who you’re managing. Your job as a manager is to learn enough to make these distinctions between people and tailor your management style accordingly.

When it comes to putting ourselves in others’ shoes, there are three different standards:

  • The Silver Rule. As stated by Confucius, “Never impose on others what you would not choose for yourself.” That’s a start, but it’s a pretty low bar.

  • The Golden Rule. As stated in the Christian tradition, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Applied to the workplace, this twist gives the manager more agency. It asks you to be the kind of manager you would want to have. But the standard is still one-size-fits-all. It’s still based on what you would want.

  • The Platinum Rule. The best standard for managers advises them to “treat others the way they want to be treated.” Now the manager is required to learn how each specific employee works and then empathetically meet their specific needs.

Managers get in a ton of trouble when they treat employees like clones of themselves, with all the same preferences and desires.

For an introverted employee, being called up to a podium to receive a plaque from the CEO in front of the entire company might be a deeply mortifying experience. But for another more outgoing employee, that plaque and the standing ovation might make his month. These two people had the exact same experience, but it caused totally different reactions in them. If you fall in one camp or the other and recognize your employees the way you would want to be recognized, you miss the opportunity to recognize each employee in the way that’s most meaningful to them.

The list of varying workplace preferences ranges from simple housekeeping matters to the very question of what creates meaning in the employee’s life:

  • At what time of day does the employee generally work best?

  • Does the employee thrive off the energy of a group, or are they more of a lone wolf?

  • Does the employee want a personal connection with their manager, or do they prefer a purely professional relationship?

  • Does the employee prefer to autonomously set their goals, or do they appreciate involved guidance from their manager?

Effective managers constantly have their antennae up for this type of thing. When appropriate, talk to the employee about what you’ve noticed: “I’ve noticed you’re very eager to help your colleagues” or “You’re not a big fan of brainstorming, are you?”

Then, talk through how that plays out and what strategies might help the employee work best. Could you be more protective of what’s on the first employee’s plate, ensuring that he’s not overpromising to people or departments that aren’t part of his core responsibilities? Could you give the second employee a day’s notice before each brainstorming meeting, so she can ideate alone beforehand?

For each employee, keep your own record of these observations. These running notes are an invaluable tool in applying the Platinum Rule.

As always, keep an open mind, remembering that not everyone is like you. Yes, some people may actually enjoy long meetings. Yes, some people may actually do their best work at 9:00 p.m. from their couch. As unfathomable as your employees’ working styles may seem to you, you’ll be a more effective manager once you recognize them and begin treating people as they want to be treated—not as you would want to be treated.

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