People-pleasing isn’t a trait we usually associate with CEOs. Aren’t they all uncompromising visionaries?
Of course that’s a misconception. Just like the rest of us, CEOs wrestle with the human impulse to make other people happy—even when it’s at odds with long-term organizational health, or simply what the CEO knows is right.
It’s so easy in the moment, to keep that exec on board even though they’re not delivering. To cast an overly rosy glow on the quarterly results. To make a commitment you know you can’t keep.
Unfortunately, the People Pleaser CEO is a disaster for the organization. Why?
They can’t make tough decisions. Most decisions a CEO is called to make have downsides. Because the People Pleaser CEO wants approval, they’ll defer the decision as long as possible and then make the call they think most people will be happy with.
They let issues fester. The People Pleaser CEO prioritizes their own short-term comfort over shining a light on developing issues. Inevitably, the neglected issues grow, grow, and grow until they finally erupt. Embracing a little discomfort and confronting the issue up front would have prevented the later, greater catastrophe.
They don’t earn credibility as a leader. Leadership, by definition, involves stepping out in front and pointing the way ahead—not just doing what you think people want you to do. CEOs must create a clear vision and convince people to move toward it willingly. You can never win over everyone in this process. This fact paralyzes the People Pleaser CEO and causes them to lose credibility with just about everyone in the organization.
They burn out easy. Pleasing people all day is hard. It saps you of energy. Engaging in the behavior long-term leads to burnout.
Do you have People Pleaser CEO tendencies? Here are some of the signs:
You regularly wonder what people think about you instead of what’s best for the organization.
You don’t make the right decision (like firing someone) because you focus on the downsides and worry about how it will be received by the team.
You tolerate employees who do not meet their goals consistently because of the story they tell you.
It causes you stress to take a clear position on an issue.
Listening to several points of view causes you to be paralyzed and slow to act.
It is difficult for you to set clear and measurable objectives because then you would have to hold people accountable.
If some of these behaviors sound familiar, I encourage you to make ending the people-pleasing a priority in your leadership development. Mentally flag the moments where you put off the right decision because you don’t want to upset anyone. Decide to be uncomfortable for a moment and give corrective feedback when it’s needed. Hold yourself to the goals you set for the company.
Journaling about these moments and talking to a coach about them can both be extremely helpful in your journey away from people-pleasing.
Whatever you do, don’t get discouraged. I have seen great CEOs overcome a deep-seated desire for approval. Even luminaries like John Maxwell have struggled with it (as he discusses in his latest book).
People-pleasing feels good in the moment, but leadership isn’t about feeling good. It’s about courageously making decisions that support the long-term good of employees, customers, and shareholders. That doesn’t always please everyone in the moment.
“Making everyone happy is impossible and shouldn't be anyone's goal as a leader. Doing what's right for the right reasons should be the goal — even if it costs me.”
—John Maxwell
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“The art of pleasing is the art of deception.”
— Luc de Clapiers
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“A friend to all is a friend to none.”
—Greek Proverb